Happiness Where Are You?

by Rosita Madrid Sanchez

At the age of 16 I am already a mother

People said I was too young to handle

I didn’t experience teenage life

To be free as a bird and to be as me.

Poverty has led me in this situation, one of the reasons I can blame on

I thought at an early age, getting married to the older man would show me direction

But I was wrong, its all my fault, I’ve been used and abused.

I have decided to work as a domestic helper

To the place far away from my nightmare

Leaving behind my kids in the care of my mother

It felt like I was dying a million times when I stepped in an airplane

Tears flowing, running nose dripping

Heaven showered me with thunderstorms and lightning.

Days, months, even a year moved

Time flew so fast like running

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Now my contract is ending

What should I do? I kept thinking.

In the foreign land, I felt love, I felt that I am important and great

I had the freedom that I kept looking for

To gain myself and to be the real me.

Even if I have all of this, why do I still feel incomplete?

Some parts of my body are missing

All I want is to be happy

Why happiness is so hard to get?

Now I need to wake up to reality.

To face my family, to see my own kids

The life that I keep hiding on

Am I scared? I’m scared of my shadow that doesn’t want to leave

All I need is to be happy to find the real me.