My Foolish Heart

By anonymous

I come from a poor family, that has survived anything that’s been served on its table. I am the eldest among 5 children, of whom 2 are still young. I’ve always wanted to finish my studies, but life’s complications made it impossible. At the age of 17 I was already working. Things got worse when I got pregnant at the age of 22, and unmarried. I was abused physically, mentally and verbally by the father of my kid. This made me decide to go overseas, to earn for myself and my kid since my (ex)boyfriend at that time couldn’t fully support my child, as he has vices.

I have been working in Singapore for 3 long years. I had a lot of experiences. I gained some friends, but it felt like something was missing. I knew how pathetic it is to say that I was looking for love in this foreign land, when I actually came here for work.

But those feelings you have when you’re far away from home make you long for something that would make you happy, even if it is just for the meantime. I am not looking for sex or hook ups since I’m too emotional and I don’t go for games. So I registered with this online dating application that lets you meet people around you. I talked to a lot of guys on that application, and yes, I told them what my work was. I’m fully aware that most of the men there are looking just for fun, and here I was looking for something serious.

Then I spoke to this certain guy. A foreign guy from Pakistan, who came here to study as required by his work. We rarely talked at first as I wasn’t interested in him at all. Then, it suddenly changed.

One day he asked me to see him and do something intimate. He told me that love and relationships sometimes begin with one night stands. I don’t know what came to my mind, that I accepted his invitation and met him. And believe it or not, I fell in love with him. From then on, I always spent my days off with him. Stupid as I was, we never had any confirmed relationship. And the nightmare begun, when I found out that he was married and had a child. He lied to me about his real status. I didn’t end the relationship we had, even when I found out the truth, because he told me that his marriage was forced, and he got divorced 2 years ago. But as days passed, he kept changing his ways. He seldom spoke to me, and that made me upset .

I made my move by asking one of his schoolmates what was really going on. I wasn’t prepared to hear the truth that day. I was hurt to learn that he wasn’t divorced, and he was actually playing around. I made the decision to cut off what we had. And here I am, moving on.

With all the women out there, I just want to share my experience.

I learned my lesson well, though it still hurts me whenever I remember all the things that he and I shared with each other. To love in a foreign land with so many strangers is a challenge. I just want to let you all know that you can’t make yourself complete by letting yourself be close, and fall in love with other people who are fools. Just be cautious with yourself and be aware of people who will just use you for their own benefit.