Little Sister

At Pondok Madonna, the shelter of Solidaritas Migran Scalabrini (SMS) all the women call me Dedeh or Little Sister. I do not know when I was born and which year I was born. According to my father I was one when my mother died.  Then when I was three, my father remarried and I lived with my stepmother and her child in Lampung. My father had to work in Jakarta so I only got to see him once a year.

My stepmother treated me cruelly. She would not allow me to go to school. She tore my school uniform and told the neighbours and my father that I was an idiot. I had to stay at home to do all the chores in the house and also in the farm. My father did not anymore come back when I was six years old. My stepmother was even crueller to me. If I did not collect enough wood for the fire, she would punish me severely. She would make me sleep outside with the goats. She would hit me, throw me into a dirty and smelly ditch and even slash my legs with a chopping knife. Then I ran away to an old lady for help. She was very kind and nursed my wounds but she returned me to my stepmother when she discovered that I was only a runaway child.

When I was nine years old, my stepmother told me to marry a thirty-year-old man. I was a child and did not understand what it meant to get married. She told me that the man would take care of me and I thought he would send me to school. When he brought me to his house, he locked me in the room and made me to have sex with him. If I refused he would whip me with his belt and tie my legs. I could only cry and pity myself. When I suffered thus for one year, I decided that I must run away. I escaped through the window of the house. But I did not know where to go, so I got on a bus not knowing where I was and where I was going.

A young woman saw how lost I was, so she came to my help and promised to take care of me. I was so happy that I met someone kind and I followed her. She brought me to a place called Jambi and sold me to a Mami. Mami locked me in a hotel room and there were other children just like me. Then the customers came to us and I knew that like the children I have become a sex slave. We were locked inside and could not escape. I was made to serve twenty to thirty men a day. I worked 24 hours every day and I was not paid any money. My customers were seamen from Japan and America and also Indonesians.

I was only twelve years old when a customer took me out of the room. I thought I would now have a chance to escape but instead he brought me to a hotel room where four other men were waiting. I was terrified and traumatized when the five men gang raped me. I screamed and cried in pain and terror. When they were satisfied they left me. My vagina was bleeding and clothes were torn. I was so weak. I ran away from the hotel to get help. A man on a motorcycle offered to help me and I went with him because he said that he would bring me to his wife. Instead, he brought me to the jungle and raped me and left me naked. In the morning, I clothed myself with my torn clothes and managed to get help from a restaurant owner. I called a friend from my working place. She came by to help me but once again I was sold again to a brothel in Solo. There in the cities of Solo, Jogja and Surabaya where I was repeatedly sold to different brothels, my situation was just the same serving customers and not earning a cent. The Mamis took all my earnings telling that I had to pay my ‘otang’ (debt). I could not understand how come I had to pay them otang.

I had another very bad experience in Solo when I was gang raped by more than eight men who were police officers. They even forced me to take narcotics. They treated me like an animal. I was fourteen and could only cry in desperation and despair. Yes, I was like an animal, locked up all the time. Whom could I go to for help even if I wanted to? In Surabaya, I became very sick. I would even faint when the customers were having sex with me. Finally, the Mami brought me to the hospital for an operation. After my operation, I had to work again. A friend offered to help me and together we would go to Batam where there are many jobs. I decided to follow her.

I was already sixteen years old when I arrived in Batam. Again I was cheated; my friend sold me to a brothel. My customers were Malaysians and Singaporeans. I was back in the same situation. The friend who sold me came back to me and said that she would help me out. Again I believed and she helped me to make a passport. In the passport, she stated my age as nineteen and my birth date as 5th May. She brought me to Singapore for shopping. When I arrived in Singapore, I found myself locked in a hotel room where customers were already waiting for me. The customers were mostly Malay and Chinese men.  Some of them wanted me to perform the sexual acts like the video and when I could not follow, they would hit me and get angry. I could not run because I was afraid since I did not have my passport and I was in a foreign country. My friend told me that if I ran away the Singapore police would catch me and put me in jail. Altogether, she brought me in and out to Singapore by ferry three times.  The third time, my friend fell asleep on the ferry. I seized the opportunity to get out of the ferry ahead of her and after clearing immigration, I ran away. After which I managed to get work as a waitress with a restaurant. I was happy because at last I could earn money to pay for the rental of a room.

Five months later, I discovered that I was pregnant. When I knew, I was shocked and wanted to kill myself. I could not imagine what I should do with the child. I did not know the father of the baby. I could not take care of myself, how could I take care of the child? My friend told me to abort the baby. I went to the hospital but the doctor told me that it was too late since the pregnancy was already five months. I was confused and lost. Then I was counselled and referred to stay at Pondok Madonna run by Solidaritas Migran Scalabrini.

When I went to the shelter, I met Kak Rahayu who was soft spoken and gentle. But I was still not sure whether this place was not another brothel. After staying one month, I have come to experience peace, love and a family in this house. I was taught to read and write and now I could read the newspaper every day. I even learned to pray. I told Kak Rahayu my story and told her that I have no family. When she accepted me as her family, I was so happy. I hope now never to go back to sex work. I want everyone to know that I am not a prostitute and I never dreamt to be a prostitute.